I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
