You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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