I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
