cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
