All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
