Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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