in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Everclear isn't food dammit
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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