How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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