I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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