Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
