I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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