I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
