Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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