3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
