I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
