My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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