i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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