Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
