im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
