Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
