it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Farmville is her only friend.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
His nipple licking is glorious
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