At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
