I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
