I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
