Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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