I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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