I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
