I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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