zippers are such a cool invention
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
