Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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