too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
