i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
