You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
