She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
