This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
