I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
