Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
