oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I need a beard to bite.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
