Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
