I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
