Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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