Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
