I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
