I want to make a zoo with you.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
