I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
