you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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