Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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