so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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