last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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