I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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