no one should ever give us hovercrafts
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
