Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
