Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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