I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
