ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
