I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
