How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
