the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Ladies don't puke and tell
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
