I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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