well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
zippers are such a cool invention
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
