I hope mine doesn't look like that
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
